The Struggle is Real

Very recently, my husband and I went through a rough patch.  We've all had them -- those times when the only luck you seem to have is bad, and one small problem invites all its ugly little friends over one by one, so before you know it, you've got a ton of unsolvable, unwelcome issues threatening to bury you wrapped in the tattered shreds of what's left of your sanity.  At least that's how I felt last month.  It started small (as these things do) when my daughter complained about the computer being slow. Within a couple of weeks, I was surrounded by a litter of broken things.  The computer, the fan that distributed the heat from my wood-burning stove, the backup vehicle my daughter had been driving, the main vehicle I drive -- all of them became unusable at some point in the two weeks before Christmas.  We dug in, took one problem at a time, and thought we had made it through until, on New Year's Eve, my 17-year-old backed into a friend's newish car and scraped her way down the entire side.  

That was the straw that broke the camel's back. Or, more precisely, my bank account, along with my spirit.  In the week that followed, my microwave stopped working, and I spent most of my free time on the phone with the insurance company, the vicitim of my daughter's carelessness, and my husband, who was working in Florida, trying to figure out a timely solution to the $3000 repair estimate that wouldn't jeopardize our future insurability.  I felt stretched to my limits -- financial and otherwise.  But, in all of this, there were lessons; things I learned I'd done right and things I wish I'd done better, that surprised me.  I wanted to share a couple in addition to the ones I already posted on Facebook (sorry if you were made to read them in both places). 

Gratitude works

A few months ago I gave a lesson on being grateful in any circumstance and how it might help us through the worst of difficulties.  I decided to try it, really try it, during this particularly ugly spot in my life.  I'm here to tell you that being thankful for all the things that were going right, even if it was only the fact that I saw the sun for a few minutes that day, saved my sanity and helped me keep hope that there would be a light at the end of this miserable tunnel. 

I think I grew.

Get Triple A

Seriously.  It's $85 a year for 4 roadside assistance calls (these include tows up to 100 miles with the RV Plus membership).  If it's your name on the membership, they will cover any car you're traveling in whether it's yours or not.  They offer other discounts and programs with your membership as well, and you can add people onto your membership for $45 each.  With the two tows I required to get my Land Rover fixed, I more than recouped my membership fees this year.  

Check eBay

It's not just for people's used stuff anymore.  Between eBay and Amazon we found new parts for my daughter's Land Rover, our wood-burning stove fan and the igniter that went out on my pellet stove this week lots cheaper than retail.

Find the right car insurance

Cost is a huge factor in this, I know, but we learned that what they'll do for you after an accident may be more important.  Our policy is with United Insurance  -- a company we've only been with for a year, and which we switched to because they would cover our teenage driver without bankrupting us.  After the accident, we learned that our claim would be paid without a deductible, and that they will allow us to pay back the cost of the claim before our next renewal.  This will prevent it from being listed on our policy, will stop our rates from going up, and has the additional benefit of being less than the original estimate because the insurance company forced it down when they paid it.  I feel like we accidently lucked out here.

Have a financial plan

I detest the word "budget", but it really is applicable here.  You should get one.  Even if it's not a strictly detailed list of every expenditure and piece of income, you should put something together.  Having an idea of exactly how we were going to meet all of these unexpected expenses coming hard on the heels of Christmas gave me hope that we could actually do it.  It's going to take us a minute, but the overwhelming feeling of being buried in debt is gone because we have a plan.

Set up some credit

In an ideal world, we would all have savings accounts full of three month's worth of mortgage payments and additional emergency funds.  I'm working on that.  At the moment, though, I've appreciated having some credit to fall back on when my savings account isn't as beefy as it ought to be.  Save it for emergencies and pay it off as soon as possible, but I think you should have some available.

Don't put off buying wood pellets

Or, don't put off getting what you need when you have the means to get it.  In the middle of all of this, we ran out of pellets for our stove.  Had we bought them in the fall, when we had the money to do it, this wouldn't have been a big deal. As it was, I could have potentially been left without a working stove upstairs and and a stove that didn't put off any heat downstairs.  Luckily, I have a father-in-law who knows how painful it is to run a furnace on propane who lent us some.  I'm pretty sure this life lesson applies to more than wood pellets.

There's always a deal when it comes to your satellite provider

We knew we had to cut back on some things, so when we called to see what would happen if we cancelled our satellite service, I was offered several previously unadvertised packages that were considerably cheaper, as well as a discount on my current package and an additional credit.  They'll do a lot to get you to stay with them.

There is much good in the world, no matter how dark you think it is

Two weeks ago my husband came home with a card and a story given to him by a previous boss.  His grandfather lost everything in the Great Depression.  He moved his family west to Oregon and got a job with a successful farmer, who later bought and sold some land in California where Interstate 5 would be built.  Years later, this farmer came back to this man to thank him for his role in the farmer's success and offered to pay off a good portion of his debts.  Inside the card given to my husband was a note written by his old boss, thanking Steve for contributing to his career. It brought both of us to tears.  Coming directly after such a difficult time for us as it did, I was strongly reminded of the good that exists in the world and the people who spread it.  It's something I'll never forget -- how forcibly this one bright gesture affected me after such a dark time.  That's what I'll take away with me; light after darkness.  That, and the fact that who I am has been a group effort; there are people I owe.  I plan to get better at thanking them.  

God won't leave you alone

I really believe this.  Even during the week my husband was away, when I wasn't eating or sleeping, and which qualified as one of the worst of my life, I knew I hadn't been abandoned.  I struggled to pray and my faith was shaky, but I was still comforted.  It showed up in the form of encouraging words from an old friend, a well-timed hug from one of my kids, and small (infinitesimal, it seemed at the time) victories when something went right.  There was always something that eased the burden a little, and I know God was there, lifting it up and off my shoulders.

Things have gotten better.  It's not necessarily that things have stopped breaking (because they haven't; just last week we lost a much-loved uncle), but that I know I won't break.  I could go on and on with platitudes like "life is full of challenges" or "our trials make us stronger", both of which are true, but really, I'd like to say that being human sometimes bites.  And when it's at its worst, that's the time we can learn something we wouldn't come by any other way, even if it takes us years to recognize.  It's unpleasant and can be really painful, but every overwhelming and insurmountable obstacle in our path gives us an opportunity to walk away on the other side better than we were before, albeit with a couple more scars. We fail, we succeed, we lose, and we win, but I would rather do all of it than none of it.  Yup, the struggle is real.  When it comes right down to it, I guess I wouldn't have it any other way.